24 March 2009

Boy Soprano by B. Anonymous

Restless swinging legs
Beat a virtual tattoo
On the old stone wall that
Fences the churchyard

Long dirty toes
Freed from Sunday shoes
Crush the tops of daffodils and
Release Spring’s perfume

Paper salt packets
Secreted in a pocket
Ripped open and emptied
Melt slugs into gooey pools

Crumpled sheet music
Torn from a binder
Of Junior Choir anthems
Juggling for show

Girls in bright dresses
Twittering tittering
Befuddling the senses
Adolescence awakes


  1. I liked this... I wasn't expecting to see a poem so I was pleasantly surprised :>

    Though I am not very good at critiquing things that I like, especially when it comes to poetry.

    I must say that I am now completely curious if salt *really* turns slugs into "gooey pools" though... when I was a kid I was more the magnifying glass vs those bugs that roll into balls or the glue on the top of the ant hill sort.

  2. I'm not much of a poetry buff, but I like the images this evokes. The little boy sounds like he's up to no good, causing havoc everywhere he goes, and plotting to torment the girls next..

  3. I like this. I wrote poetry during a highly angsty period of my life, and I'm working on a epic-style poem right now. It is nice to see something different out of these flash fiction pieces. Excellent use of the limited space you gave yourself, and I feel like I knew the kid well...:)

  4. I liked the subtle sideswiping of the idea of Spring (March?), in the imagery rather than implicit statement. I sense an ambiguity in the boy's gender identity. He revels in the dirt and the slug torture, but though his music is torn and crumpled, he displays it (juggling, to be sure, but hey, he's a boy!). He is attracted to the colourful young girls, but to them, or to their mannerisms? Does he want them or want to be like them? He crushes the daffodils and releases perfume. He is on the fine edge of adolescence, but where is the tipping point? and in what direction? Refreshing and thought provoking....

  5. I love poetry. You did a good job on the vivid and tight piece.

  6. Really enjoyed this piece. I thought you did a wonderful job with it. I think the imagery and the progression of ideas is great.. and I think you did a fabulous job showing it all.

    I enjoy the almost staccato beat of the words. My only criticism is on the second stanza - the words shoes and perfume both have the same "oo" sound, it made my brain think they rhymed. It actually brought me out of the poem enough that I had to go back and look to see if the other stanzas rhymed. It seemed inconsistent somehow. Technically, it is correctly, but the way the words flow into the brain is where it puts me off.

    Other than that ----- FABULOUS!!!


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